Yay November 8!!

Today’s post is about a very special day of the year called “November 8” (which, incidentally, is also my birthday). I would have posted this yesterday (when it actually was November 8) except I spent the whole day curled up in a corner, sobbing hysterically over my wasted youth (why did I waste my money on Nips and Twin popsies back then when I could have been saving up for a quarterly botox and liposuction combo?!).

Unbeknownst to many, this is actually one of the most significant dates of modern history. So many people who’ve shaped modern society were born on this one special day; the 20th century’s movers, shakers and … um… candlestick makers

Here are just a few of the cornerstones of modern civilization born on the eighth of November.

Ace Vergel
Nov. 8, 1952

Ace “bad boy” Vergel was a 90’s Action Star Deluxe. Not content with his stellar performance in Kamusta Ka, Hudas? and Killer vs. Ninjas, Ace kept pushing the envelope for Filipino method acting. His devotion to the authentic portrayal of his characters (usually the tormented man driven to violence) is so extreme that he was sentenced to 4 years in prison for possession of methamphetamines and pot following a buy and bust operation by the NBI in 1995.

Well played Ace! As all the other reindeer said, “You’ll go down in history”, maybe more as a convict than an actor, but who really cares right?

Tara Reid
Nov. 8, 1975

No introduction or explanation necessary…

Sergev Ivasovic
Nov. 8, 1980

A truly gifted man, he has defined film editing as a higher art form. Who could forget his exquisite editing of Trinaest Stoljeca Hrvatske Kulture (circa 1993) or his work in the gripping political drama Zanimanje Izbjeglica (circa 2000)? Podivuhodný! (Slavic—it’s what all the cool kids are speaking today)

(note: that picture isn’t really of Sergev. I couldn’t find a picture of him so I just typed “some guy” in google pictures and that’s the first thing that came up.)

Chi Chi La Rue
Nov. 8, 1959

Everybody’s favorite plus sized, transvestite porn director. Where would we be without gems of hardcore adult cinema like How the West Was Hung (circa 2000), Hole Patrol (circa 2004) and Itty Bitty Titty Committee (circa1989)?

Do 5 “Adult Video News” GAYVN Awards for best director awards spell greatness? You bet your sweet bippi it does!

The Most Pointless Post Ever

Happy birthday Mike “the miracle man” Velarde! Let’s hear it for the man with the freaky suit jackets!

To celebrate the occasion, I’ve been sitting in the office for the past 12 hours eating zero carb chocolate bars and listening to old Wham mp3s (can you think of a better way to spend your Saturday? I know I can’t!).
While waiting for something to go wrong at the Brother’s birthday bash (which is sort of my job… don’t ask…), I tried Googling for some interesting trivia about our favorite religious leader.
I came up with an IMDB listing about a Mike Velarde that composed the musical score for the movies Back Door to Hell (starring a young Jack Nicholson, circa 1964) and Horror of the Blood Monsters (a B-movie about space traveling vampires partially shot in the Philippines, circa 1970). However, although Brother Mike used to produce movies in his previous life (one of which was called “Young Cowboys”, Brokeback Mountain anyone?), turns out this was a different Mike Velarde; apparently there was a Filipino composer in the 70’s name Miguel “Mike” Velarde. Shoot, wouldn’t it have been so cool if it had been him?!


O well, whatever..


Rock on Brother Mike! You’ll always be number one in my book, even if your career didn’t start out in B-movies… Okay maybe not…

Coffee California: It’s Not Just the Coffee That Makes You Nervous

Coffee California is close… and they’re always watching. So stay the hell away from Starbucks bitch

Condiment For The Moment: Toyo

Here’s to toyo, the condiment that has absolutely no nutritional value!

Using some Wikipedia diligence, I found that toyo has, aside from MSG, none of the wholesome isoflavones usually present in soy products and maybe even the chemical 1,3-DCP, which is possibly carcinogenic.
Alright! Now that’s what I’m looking for in a condiment: a little danger and a whole lotta delicious!

In honor of toyo, I’ve decided to share my favorite toyo recipe:

Ingredients:
1 bottle of Toyo
1 Cup of Rice

Procedure:
1. Pour the bottle of toyo on the rice
2. Voila, lunch is served (did I mention I don’t know how to cook? Pancit-ulam, anyone?)

How Could You Friendster??

Friendster has crossed the line with their new feature that allows users to see the last 100 people who have viewed their profiles! I’m sure there it’s violating an ass-load of privacy rights (or something)!! I mean, it has to right? Friendster stalkers should be free to stalk whoever the hell they want without that person knowing about it, dammit!

In honor of this huge infringement on Friendster Stalker privacy I have listed down the five levels of stalkerdom:

Level 1
You check his/her profile periodically, just to see if he/she has added anything to his/her (oh who am I kidding! It’s always a He!) profile that might shed more insight on his life.

Level 2
You check his profile at least once a day, in the hopes that one day a freshly added mutual friend will directly link two of you.

Level 3
You check his profile at least once a day and you know all his friendsters by heart. You’ve found a way for him to add you as his friendster if you weren’t already his friendster ( like, say, create a new friendster account for an organization you know he belongs to, but you don’t).

Level 4
You check his profile every five hours and have checked all his friends’ profiles as well to see if he wrote any of them testimonials (and to check if any of his lady friends are more special to him than all the others).

Level 5
You know his account login and closely monitor his messages and friendster activities. You take the liberty of deleting any undesirable messages (like, say his girlfriend, writing a message about how much she loves and misses him) and deleting friends who are pretty enough to be threats. Sometimes, when you feel like it, you change his login to punish him for being too friendly with one of his little lady friends.

Level 6
I haven’t gotten this far yet..I’ll let you know when do.

Let's Look on the Bright Side

Ten Good Things About Being Up To Your Eyeballs in Work

1> You get to do cool stuff like not bathe or brush your hair for a whole week.

2> People have higher tolerance for your poor hygiene and bad behavior (like one time, I totally got away with lobotomizing my officemate with a pencil just because he was annoying!)

3> You frighten little children and small animals without exerting any effort.

4> When you can’t do your laundry and you have less and less wearable clothes, your fashion imagination really kicks in (who says you can’t wear your high school uniform to the office?!)

5> Time flies when you’re having fun… and when you’re chasing deadlines! (especially when you’re having fun chasing deadlines)

6> You gain the ability to change night into day just by closing your eyes. I’ve done this many times myself; at night I just close my eyes for one second and when I open them again the sun is already high in the sky.. amazing!!

7> It gets really trippy when you can’t tell if you’re dreaming or if you’re awake.

8> You earn extra income when people mistake you for a roaming lunatic and offer you their spare change.

9> You’re eye bags grow so deep that you have two convenient, take-them-everywhere-with-you pouches for storing your pan-handled spare change and house keys.

10> My mom says back-breaking work builds character. Since moms know everything, this means working your behind off will make you the coolest person alive.

The Long List of Why [Part 1]

Why is it considered cool to be cono?

Isnt being cono proof of being very poor in English? I mean if someone says “Uy, make tuhog-tuhog naman the fishball for me”, it usually means they don’t know what the English word for tuhog so they just use the Filipino word and try their best to make it sound classy. If the cono were actually good representatives of the educated upper class they’re supposed to belong to, wouldn’t they know to say instead “Would you please skewer some fishballs for me?”?

Just a thought…