Signs that you've been out of work for too long

1. The highlight of your day is doing your laundry (which incidentally isn’t much since you only ever wear that one oversized Cat Gas LPG t-shirt to lounge around the house all week)

2. You’re beginning to get a tan from being exposed to TV light so much

3. You find yourself repeatedly watching Hallmark movies w/ titles like “My Son is Not a Murderer”, “Love’s Abiding Joy” and “Fatal Error” (which is a movie about a deadly virus that’s spread through computer monitors and stars Antonio Sabato Jr. and some actress girl) and sobbing hysterically the whole time.

4. You’re beginning to get bed sores from lying on your ass all day.

5. You eat breakfast food for every meal since you always think its morning after waking up from your 5 hour naps.

6. You’ve been sending messages to all your exes, both real and imagined (those restraining orders didn’t give any restrictions on sending messages now did they?? So suck on that!!), out of sheer boredom (or desperation, who knows?).

7. You start getting really good at using Photoshop to paste your face onto pictures of parties and vacations so you can post them on Friendster and fake having your fantasy life of being a rich socialite crime solving psychic.

8. You go shopping for three hours and end up buying only soap and toothpaste since, aside from being broke, you don’t have anything to wear new clothes, shoes or accessories to. So you lock yourself in a mall fitting room and sob hysterically while drawing a warts and body hair on your reflection with lipstick until mall security kicks you out.

9. Your eyebrows are now non existent since you’ve taken to compulsively plucking them during your idle time.. which is all the time since you quit your job.

10. The only other time you’ve left the house in the past three weeks is when you had to go to the hospital for tetanus and rabies shots after the neighbors dog bit you for trying to lure him with tasty bread and then kidnap him and then maybe kill him.. or marry him.. it depends on your mood really.